YOU LOVE ME, Don't Lie
What it boils down to is this. You love me.
I'm the hot girl with big tits but the annoying voice. You'll tolerate me, just to get a piece of my ass. Then you'll kick me to the curb, but it's alright. I know eventually my sweet, sweet pussy will have you running back for more.
And I'll have you in the palm of my hand.
You open your refrigerator
You open your refrigerator and find a severed hookers head and various body parts scattered about. You start freaking out and look over to the stove to see some stew boiling with human eyeballs in it.
Your first instinct is to grab a knife because maybe there is a psycho killer in your house. You go to grab a knife and realize you already have a knife in your hand. It's covered in blood.
You look at your clothes and YOU are covered in blood. You are also wearing a "butchers" frock and a utility belt with bone saw, skin foreceps, scalpels and various cutting tools.
You glance over to see your lampshade made of human skin and your couch assembled from human bones.
You realize, for the first time, that you are a sick and twisted serial killer. But you have no recollection of killing.
Do you:
A: Get rid of the evidence and check yourself into a mental institution.
B: Call the police and turn yourself in.
C: Fuck it, you're already in deep shit, might as well go kill some more hookers.
D: Commit suicide.
E: Finish cooking the stew on the stove?
F: Something else?
Happy Mother's Day
Your mom probably sucked a couple cocks in her lifetime. Maybe much worse.
Kind of messed up to think about.
100 Million Dollars - Tax-free
You are offered one hundred million dollars. Tax free.
THE OFFER
There is a random stranger in a room and a spine stretching machine. All you have to do is strap the random person in the machine, kicking and screaming.
Then you push a button. The machine compresses and then stretches their spine in a perfect fashion, causing them to lose the use of their legs and arms - forever. Absolutely zero chance of rehabilitation by any means.
They will be unharmed in any other way. And unlike Christopher Reeves, they will live a long and healthy invalid life. In other words, though they cannot use their legs and arms, they will not be in any pain or suffering like most Quads.
The Rich White corporation will also provide a LIFETIME of care for this random person. The best money can buy... 24 hour nurses, top of the line handicap facilities, computers that work using mind control, etc. Everything this person could possibly want or need will be taken care of.
THE CATCH:
You don't know who is in the room before the door is opened. Could be a 82 year old grandmother. Could be a 10 year old girl. Could be a one month old baby. Though it will be a total stranger, you just don't know who will be in the room.
If you refuse to push the button once the door is opened...you become the cripple.
The Pope told the truth
The Pope is apologizing because he told the truth.
All religions and anything else must be able to be criticized and looked at.
Freedom of speech and expression must be near absolute.
Almost died today. Life is short.
As I walked down the streets this morning, I passed through a large spider web. I freaked. I stumbled and swung wildly until I was sure that whatever was attacking me was off my neck.
I looked up at the overhang I passed and noticed that the spider was still clinging to his web. The thing was huge, roughly the size of a dime, and obviously menacing.
You just never know when your life will be snuffed out. We live in a cruel and dangerous world. I think god just wanted to remind me of that fact.
RIP Steve Irwin
"All men die, not all men really live"
Irwin led a life that he truly loved. If only more people could live their life with as much vigor and enthusiasm as Steve, the world would be a better place.
RIP
If she is a necrophiliac
if she's a necrophiliac, I'd kill myself just so she could abuse my corpse.
Killing is awesome
Killing is awesome. I kill everything I can. If a cat or dog runs out in the road while I'm driving I speed up and try to hit it. I sit in my backyard with a bb gun for hours on weekends and shoot everything I see. I go look under rocks for snakes and stuff just so I can catch them and smash their heads. I can punt a frog 30 yards. If you stomp on a turtle hard enough you can crack it's shell. I wish I could kill people and not get in trouble for it.
Death and violence is awesome and if you guys wanna cry about a dead elk or caribou or whatever you are pussies.
Are you glad you're not Jewish?
proud to be uncircumsized.. foreskin rules!!!
What's up with Jews and their obsession with ritual genital mutilation?
Am I just a tard ?
Am I just a tard (a real one) and i do not even know it?
do tards know that they are tards?
I challenge everyone here
To a peepee fighting contest. We get out our peepees and rub them together as fast as possible. First one to quit from the pain from friction loses.
I'll beat every last motherfucking one of yas. Any takers, or are you all SCARED?
what if i punch u in the face for being a faggot then shit in ur mouth?
Do You Love Your Own cock?
Say a rich guy offered you anything you wanted to hack your own cock off.
And no, you could not surgically re-attach it with the money you got.
For an example of what the rich guy could offer you, say he said, "Okay, Singapore is yours." And it really would belong to your. You own the title/ownership to the entire country.
All for your cock.
What would you trade your cock for?
They can have my cock when they pry it from my cold, dead hand!!
HELP! I BURNED MY BALLS!
I once put tiger balm on my nuts just to watch myself cry.
My oh my they hurt so much!!!
Accused of stealing urine samples
I went to the hospital today with my friend to help him get a vasectomy. As we walked through the front door we saw what appeared to be a urnine sample stand with a bunch of 50 ml bottles of new "Pee-ple Jazz".
Being a consumer who's always ready to try a new soft golden shower and seeing that there was no one attending to the stand, I decided to take some initiative and pour myself a cup. As I began glupping down the new Pee concoction, the obviously absent sample table attendent runs inside target and began yelling at me.
"Hey what do you think you're doing!"
To which I replied.
"Trying to sample some pee man!"
A balding little man with an all too professional outfit for such a menial task begins to yell...
"That's stealing! You're stealing the pee!"
Dumbfounded I reply.
"They're free urine samples man."
Realizing things are only going to get more out of hand I decided to retreat, fast.
People take their jobs WAY to seriously sometimes.
Who the fuck yells at someone for stealing at a free urine sample table?
